Femme Fatales 1x01 Behind Locked Doors Original Air Date on April 16, 2011
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Exclusive--
Hollywood starlet Lacey Rivers
has reached a new low--
running over innocent pedestrians,
and this time she's going to jail.
I think when Lacey Rivers
started off doing commercials,
when she had the TV series,
doing guest spots,
she was wonderful. She was a rocket.
Then... to call her a train wreck--
right now I think she's a train wreck.
Lacey Rivers is a train wreck.
On drugs!
I told you--
I'm still talking to you!
The actress was arrested
outside a posh L.A. nightclub this weekend
for reckless endangerment
after running over a family of German tourists
while drunk, high on cocaine,
and Tweeting behind the wheel.
When I was young,
I went through my wild times, too.
I mean, that was before I settled down, of course,
you know, with Hannah.
And Pepper.
Yeah, I can always rely on Lacey
to do something totally inappropriate.
You know, I get 12,000 text messages a day,
but I don't read them while driving.
Lacey? Let me tell you
a little something about Lacey, okay?
Lacey only dated me because of my Y star status, okay?
I hope the little tramp rots in hell, you know?
I mean, look at her. Look at me.
I can't even afford a haircut.
I love you so much!
Fans rallied to her support today
in an L.A. Superior Court hearing,
where she was sentenced to 18 months behind bars.
Looks like this part-time princess
is about to find herself behind locked doors.
Are you from the South?
No. Chicago.
I thought I detected a slight southern twang.
Oh, a heart tattoo. Sexy.
You're going to be real popular in here.
I'm popular everywhere.
Tell that to the poor pedestrians you mowed down
while Tweeting behind the wheel.
I should be in Prague right now shooting a movie.
Well, somebody better call Dakota Fanning
because it looks like you're going to be unavailable!
♪ I've got my eye on you ♪
♪ And I'm hooked, dear, too ♪
♪ Your fooling around's ♪
♪ Getting blood on my shoes, oh ♪
♪ Whoa-oa, oh, oh ♪
♪ Whoa-oa ♪
♪ I've set my sights on you ♪
♪ I've got an alibi, too ♪
♪ So don't look around ♪
♪ I've got nothing to lose ♪
♪ Whoa-oa, oh, oh ♪
♪ Whoa-oa ♪
♪ Whoa-oa, oh, oh ♪
♪ Whoa-oa ♪
Sorry it's not exactly a designer
you can wear on the red carpet,
but I'm sure you'll make it work.
Welcome to hell, princess.
Prison can be a very scary place--
survival of the fittest and all that.
What's a spoiled young Hollywood actress to do
when thrown into the tank with all those sharks?
Those are just the prison guards.
No, Lacey Rivers is going to have to rely
on her one skill she can count on--
her acting.
You don't get 5 million a picture
without any talent.
Behind these locked doors, our little Lacey
is about to give the performance of her life.
Almost home, princess.
Can you please stop calling me that?
But you were so memorable
as that feisty teenage princess
who escapes her magical kingdom to go on Spring Break.
How are you still single?
Just remember, you are in my castle now, princess,
and I'm the queen around here!
You got that?
Officer, show this tramp to her suite.
Enjoy your stay.
You okay?
Sorry, uh...
about her.
We're not all like that.
Come on.
Uh...
I'm Lacey.
So what are you in for?
Oh.
Okay. Uh...
Just trying to be sociable,
you know, considering we're stuck in here together.
I've never really had roommates, you know.
I've always had a place of my own.
Listen, honey, I'm not your roommate.
We're not going to be sharing makeup tips
or braiding each other's hair.
So keep your mouth shut
and stay out of my way.
Didn't mean to scare you.
I'm Big Aggie.
Lacey.
Oh, I know who you are.
I'm your number 1 fan.
Don't fight me, darling.
This could be the beginning of a great love story.
You can play Juliet...
just like in the movies.
Uhh...
Ow!
Let her go, Aggie.
Take a hike, Camille.
This ain't your concern.
Hi, baby.
She's not into you.
What?
I said she's not your type.
♪
Hi.
You mind if I...
Thanks.
You saved my ass.
You gotta get a t tougher
if you want to survive around here.
What happened to her?
One of Aggie's girls.
That's how she marks her territory.
How can they let her get away with that?
Who?
Maxine?
She's a bigger psycho than Aggie.
What about him?
Cutie-pie over there.
Rafe?
Poor sap. He's got no pull here.
Maxine calls all the shots.
Crow's nest. Mm-hm. Hold on.
Max, got a call.
Yeah.
Hey, how y'all doin'?
Same old shit here.
Just palm trees.
You got that info I asked you for?
Really?
Uh-huh.
Fax it on over when it's ready.
So why are you here?
I killed my husband.
Oh.
Stabbed him in the chest six times.
Jesus. You must've been really pissed at him.
Same old Lifetime movie.
He used me as a punching bag every night he'd come home
after a bottle of whiskey.
I felt worthless. Thought I deserved it.
My only hope was Rhonda.
Rhonda?
She lived down the road from me.
In the same trailer park?
I didn't live in a trailer park.
Oh. Sorry.
I fell real hard for that one.
So you're a...
Don't worry. You're not my type.
I did a guest spot on The L Word,
so I'm like totally cool with you guys.
Eddie walked in on us.
He wt bat-shit crazy.
I grabbed the nearest thing that I could find,
and it happened to be a butcher knife.
Why did you have a butcher knife in the bedroom?
We were on the kitchen table.
Oh.
So it was self-defense.
Yeah.
That's not how the jury saw it.
I got 20 years.
Roll call!
Rand! Yeah.
Batchko! Here.
O'Rourke! Here.
Cheney! Yep.
Dorith! All right.
Ferguson! Here.
Kelly Otis! Here.
Martinez! Yeah!
Nixon! Yeah.
O'Reiley! Here.
Rivers!
Rivers?
Rivers!
Oh, here.
I think me and you need to have a little talk.
See, when I set my sights on something, get it.
Don't I, baby girl?
Why don't you and me...
go somewhere where we can get comfy
and talk about it?
What do you say, huh?
I say...
go to hell.
Mm-hmm.
I'm gonna carve you like a pumpkin.
Bitches.
Did you get a hint now?
Nobody will ever want that ugly mug of yours.
Stop it, you fucking bitch. You're going to kill her!
Enough, Max.
Causing trouble again, Camille?
She's lying. That fucking dyke did it.
You better watch your pretty mouth.
Back to your cells.
Looks like you're going to be checking into the hole.
Think you can handle the night off carpet duty?
I'm gonna fucking kill you.
Sweet talker.
You okay?
It's not fair.
It's-- It's prison.
You've got to help me.
I'm never going to make it.
You're safe now.
Come on.
Where's Camille?
Don't worry about Camille.
I want to talk about money.
What money?
The hundred grand you're going to give me.
Why would I give you any money?
Two words--
Little Rock.
Yeah. See, I'm from Arkansas, too, princess,
and I got friends back home,
lots of friends in the force.
I've got information.
Yeah. So you are going to give me your money.
Nighty-night, princess.
I can't believe you lied to me.
I'm sorry.
You don't understand. I had to.
When I was a little girl,
my dad came to me,
and he told me that I was different,
that I was special--
a princess.
And I knew from then on
that I would never have real friends,
that I would always just be royalty.
So I told myself
that one day I would flee the kingdom,
and I would find real friends
and my true love.
And I found you.
You don't know the meaning of true love,
but I do.
I love you.
I love you, Jake. I love you so much.
I love you, Rafe.
I love you so much.
Was it horrible?
Fucking Maxine.
She'll get what she deserves.
I missed you.
I need you, Camille.
You're the only person I can trust.
You're not my type.
Shh.
Hi.
I, uh...
saw one of your movies.
Well, all of them, actually.
The one where you save the dolphins
from being caught in the nets
of those evil Japanese fishermen?
It was fucking awesome.
Sorry. That's okay.
That one's actually getting some Oscar buzz,
so fingers crossed.
You looked amazing in a scuba suit.
Perv.
Rafe.
I feel like you're the only person I can trust in this world.
Really?
Uh, I'm just doing my job.
My mother's a controlling bitch,
and my manager's a crook.
I just wish I had someone like you on the outside.
Be careful what you wish for.
I'm scared, Rafe.
Maxine is out of control.
and I'm worried what she's going to do with Camille.
I just feel like if I could get to the warden,
that I could do something about it.
That's it?
You just want to talk to the warden?
You know what I see when I look out there?
Hope.
We're all sitting on a fence, you know,
just waiting to be pushed over one side or t'other,
to the good side
or the bad side.
We all need a little help sometimes
to move people in the right direction.
That's how I see my work here,
so when I say I see hope out there--
You are the cutest thing I have ever seen.
Come here, honey. Come on, don't be afraid.
I'm not coming on to you. I'm too old for that.
I even tried Viagra once.
Did it work?
No, I-- it didn't-- I got-- I got hiccups.
Oh. Real bad case, 2 1/2 hours,
and then my hand went stiff,
a sort of arthritis, started--
Arthritis.
I've got the perfect thing for that.
I was on a film in Bali.
We had a personal masseuse.
Amazing.
Great, isn't it?
That feels so good, I can't tell you.
Uh, what were we--
what were we talking about?
Maxine. Maxine.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, well, Maxine
looks like she fell off on the wrong side,
so we have to help her come over onto the right side.
I was afraid you weren't going to believe me.
You know something? You do not belong here.
You should be doing community service,
working with troubled children,
teaching them acting.
That would be good.
Speaking of troubled children,
my grandchildren are huge fans of yours.
I'll make you a little deal. Okay?
You sign your autograph
on this picture, okay?
Right here, for them,
and I will talk to Maxine.
I would be honored.
Can you-- Is that a deal? Deal.
Thank you so much.
I cannot tell you
how much I appreciate that.
Yes, ma'am.
They say that Miley Cyrus is so over.
Yeah, there's trouble down--
trouble down in hole 4!
Well, thank you, darlin'.
Thank you very much.
I appreciate it.
Hm.
Thank you, Warden Jeffries.
Oh...
Whoo.
Whoo, my God.
Thank you, Rafe.
It's nothing.
I love you.
I love you, Rafe.
I love you so much.
Ohh! Shh.
You better te me back to my cell.
I can't believe you went to the fucking warden.
I thought it was the right thing to do.
I'm so fucked now.
I know how to fix this.
You just have to hit me.
Who did this to you?
I'll kill her.
Big Aggie?
Camille?
It wasn't an inmate.
Maxine.
I'm scared, Rafe.
Please don't let her kill me.
Lacey,
she will never touch you again.
I heard you wanted to talk to me.
I've been thinking about our little proposition.
And?
And I think you should go fuck yourself.
I'm sorry. What did you say to me?
Are you deaf and ugly?
I said I think you should go fuck yourself.
We are having a private conversation.
Can you go back to your station?
I said stand down, officer.
Come up here. Under the mattress.
Let go of me!
Come on, do it.
Do it.
Go on, Rafe.
Rafe!
It's the only way we can be together.
Come on, do it.
Do it. Come on.
Finish her off.
Come on, Rafe.
No.
Put her out of her misery.
No.
Jesus.
Calm down. We still have work to do.
What are you-- What are you doing?
Camille's fingerprints. Haven't you ever seen CSI?
I'm going to go hide the shiv.
We can't plant it here. It's too obvious.
Lacey.
We had to do it...
for us.
I love you, baby.
Now give me five minutes, and then pull the alarm.
Now, you've got to be honest with me.
Who did this to you?
Camille.
It was a warning
to keep my mouth shut.
She's been planning to get rid of Maxine once and for all.
Hm.
She's been planning it for months,
but as soon as she got that weapon,
I knew it was only a matter of time.
I-- Doesn't add up.
Camille's been a model prisoner
since she got here.
Why didn't you come to me sooner?
I thought we had something special.
I'm sorry, warden.
It's just-- You go home every night to your wife.
I have to go back to that cell with her.
She already killed her husband.
I could've been next.
Come here. Come here, kid.
Come here, come here, kid.
Please, you've got to help me.
You've got to get me out of here.
I'll do anything.
I'm retiring soon.
Well, they're going to retire me,
but I promise you,
I will do everything in my power
to get you in front of the cameras again.
Thank you, thank you.
And you're right.
There is hope.
There is something you could do for me.
I've written a feature film script
called Doin' Time,
and I figured you've got connections
out in the big world with them agencies,
and so if you could get it to somebody--
It's my story.
You know, we could get Brad Pitt to play me.
Or Tommy Lee Jones
if that's too-- you want to go older.
You want to go real old,
if we could get him,
you get Clint Eastwood to write and direct.
Or go younger and get Matt Damon.
You know, and there might even be a part for you in it.
Stop!
What's going on?
They think I did it.
What? That's crazy.
My fingerprints were on the shiv.
I didn't even touch that thing.
She was stabbed in the chest just like my husband Eddie,
and everybody heard me threatening to kill her.
Oh, my God.
The warden said I'm going to get first degree murder.
The warden's letting you out early?
Oh, baby, that-- that's fantastic.
I've been saving some money.
Maybe we can take a trip somewhere.
A trip?
On your money?
How much money have you saved?
$2,200.
That's dinner. Then what?
I'm just trying to figure out how we can be together.
I think we should probably keep a low profile.
It seems suspicious if we date openly.
Why are you acting this way?
Don't be pathetic, Rafe.
We had a good time.
But it's over.
I--
I did this for you.
And you did a great job.
Thank you.
You used me.
You got to bang a celebrity.
Isn't that enough?
You're good guy, Rafe.
But come on. I have the numbers
of both the guys from Twilight in my phone.
Why would I date you?
I'm Lacey Rivers.
No, you're not.
I know who you are!
Let go of me. You don't know shit.
I know who you are.
I know why you wanted Maxine out of the picture.
Yeah. I know all about it.
You're Betty Jo Rogers from Little Rock, Arkansas.
Yeah. I know.
I know all a-fucking-bout it.
You were a stripper.
You married a mechanic named Bobby Caldwell.
Then you suckered some dumb-shit like me
to shoot his face off,
and you kept the insurance money.
Yeah, little Betty Jo,
she just up and disappeared one day.
She fucking vanished into thin air
and landed in a Hollywood acting class as Lacey Rivers.
There was one little thing
that old Betty Jo, she forgot to change.
Yeah.
Take me back to my cell.
B.C.
Bobby Caldwell!
That's why Maxine knew who you were.
You're not as dumb as you look.
Yeah. Yeah, I am that fucking dumb.
You know why?
Because I still loved you.
I know what you really are.
You're a fucking bitch.
I know.
But there's not a damn thing you can do about it
because you're a murderer, remember?
Now take me back to my cell
before I tell the warden how you raped me.
What's going on?
Where are you taking me?
You take real good care of her.
She's special.
Welcome home, precious.
Bye, princess.
Watch any Lacey Rivers movie,
and you will always be treated to a happy ending.
Well, poor Lacey, she's about to discover
that real life rarely turns out
like a G-rated family film.
Karma can be such a bitch.
♪ Drinkin' beer in the hot sun ♪
♪ I fought the law, and I won ♪
♪ I needed sex, and I got mine ♪
♪ I fought the law, and I won ♪
♪ The law don't mean shit if you got the right friends ♪
♪ That's how this country's run ♪
♪ Twinkies are the best friend I ever had ♪
♪ I fought the law, and I won ♪
== sync, corrected by elderman ==